20060208

There is a time...

So I understand that there is a time for everything, and that there is a REASON for everything. And we don't always understand the reasons.
Whether it's a single omnipotent entity, a matrix of energies, a whole flock of lesser dieties, or just a few mostly insane highly intelligent beetles from the fourth galazy to the left who have had a few extra doses of their meds, somehow, us mere mortals lare left to just accept it and live with it. In any case it's bulls**t.
I have had the crappiest last few months and so I am really leaning toward the alien bug theory. Unless that is, I care to fall back on the spiteful child's toy morble thing...

First, I discovered that no one in FL can be trusted to do something as simple as their job. And somehow, the customer is expected to be grateful that the CONTRACTED EMPLOYEE deemed to show up at all even if it's just to throw a beer party by your pool while you're away. And then they steal your recycle bins. They threaten and harrass you. They give you headaches, and yet somehow you feel bad for those fleeting thoughs that maybe, just maybe there will be a gas leak in the truck and when they start it up - woosh! Dunno. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother.

I get that there are very few REALLY intelligent people in the world, taking into consideration the whole definition of average. So I don't expect the "average" Joe to you know, make an intelligent decision, but come on...the older I get, the more people I have the misfortune to meet, the more I wonder how the hell humans a species survived as long as we have. And I no longer have the energy to pity the ignorant. These days it's shallowly disguised distaste and I suppose eventually it will be open disgust. Whatever. I no longer think it is such a bad thing to feel superior anymore. At least I'm not stupid.

Then there was just the parade of crap going wrong. Cars going kaput. Tony 4000 miles away. Anything and everything that can break, has. It's insane. It's like some major karmicc kick in the ass and the thing is, I fail to see how it was anything I deserved. I am a good person. I am a kind person. I buy one of those little feed the world cards in the grocery everry time I shop. When they ask if I want to dnate to help homeless animals, I of course say yes. I put change in the red pot manned by the bell rining Santa. I open doors for oldleand play peek-a-boo with toddlers in their parent's shopping carts. I let cars cut in fromt of me even if I am in a hurry. I say please and thank you. I don't lie, cheat or steal. I have even handed over a chunk of the groceries to people holding up "Homeless, hungry" signs.

I got my puppy when he was a couple months old. He could sit in my hand, he yipped and chewed on my books made a general mess. He grew up with my little girl and he follwoed me around wherever I might go for almost 11 years. He was my dragon. And I watched the glow fade from him. Even though he was "old" I watched him truly grow old over the course of a few months. Until I could see the pain in his eyes, and the plea for release. And then I sat on the floor and stroked his head and told him how much I loved him as I paid the vet to kill him.

My father, who struggled and fought for years to survive died alone, unattended in a place he hated. He wanted so much to be home. Around people he knew and loved who knew and loved him. I was sure we had finally convinced him to work towards a new start. He was finally willing to go through the process to get the replacement pasts he needed to take a chance at a normal life again, and then suddenly, it's all for nothing.

My mother sugeests that there still may be a ways to go before hitting rock bottom. I question my ability to take any mre crap. But hey it IS Beat on Brandy year, so what the hell. Anyone else care to join in?

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